Of Sons, And Secrets
by purplepagoda
Summary: Gemma, and Clay have been through just about everything. Will Gemma's decade old secret, finally be the straw that broke the camels back? Can one secret, out of a lifetime full of them, threaten to destroy everything Gemma has worked for?
1. Suspicious

Clay walks into the house, quietly. It's nearly three in the morning, and he doesn't want to wake Gemma. He tiptoes through the house, stopping when he reaches the bedroom door. He overhears Gemma, on the phone.

"You shouldn't have called so late. I know, I'll be there. Yes, I promise. Goodnight. I love you," she hangs up.

He stands in the doorway, watching her, through the crack in the door. She puts her phone on the nightstand, and rolls over to go to sleep. He waits a few moments, and then makes his way into the bedroom. He climbs in bed next to her. She pretends to be asleep.

She's in her office, the following morning, when he arrives. He sees her notice him walking her way. She hangs up her phone, before he can make it to her office. He opens the door, and walks in.

"I thought that you had business to attend to," she admits.

"I do, but I stopped by to see if you want to get lunch."

"Get lunch? What are you talking about? You never take me to lunch."

"I'm asking."

"It's ten o'clock in the morning," she tells him.

"I've been busy lately, and I haven't seen a lot of you. I thought that I would be nice, and take you to lunch."

"Clay, what do you want?"

"I don't want anything."

"I can't today."

"Why not?"

"I've got somewhere I need to be."

"Ok."

"And, I'll be gone all weekend."

"Whatever," he stomps off.

When he reaches the parking lot Jax is just pulling in. He makes a beeline for him.

"What are your plans for the weekend?" Clay questions.

"Same as yours," Jax reminds him.

"Not anymore."

"Something come up?"

"Yeah, I need you to follow your mother."

"Follow her? Where?"

"I don't know where. She's getting ready to leave, and I need you to follow her."

"Why?"

"I think that she's seeing someone."

"That's not my problem. Clay, you've done it to her, so..."

"Jax, come on."

"No."

"I am asking you as a favor. I don't want to fly off the handle, and kill some unsuspecting douchebag, before I have all the facts."

"What makes you think that she's cheating?"

"She was on the phone at three o'clock in the morning."

"So?"

"She was on the phone a minute ago, and hung up, before I could get there."

"Maybe she was done talking."

"She's going out of town for the weekend."

"Clay, you're being paranoid, and since when do you give a damn what she does?"

"She's my wife."

"You have other priorities."

"Let me take care of them, you keep an eye on your mother."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Follow her."

"On my bike?"

"No. She can't know that you're following her. You have to blend in."

"Whatever."

Clay finds Jax a car, on the lot that he can be unnoticed on. Jax lights up, and waits for Gemma to leave. She pulls out, within ten minutes.

She drives fast, towards the city limits sign. She blows past it, heading east. Jax follows her for hours, and hundreds of miles, and three fill-ups.

Nine hours later, she finally comes to a stop. She pulls onto a suburban street, in a quiet neighborhood. She pulls into the driveway, and parks her car. She gets out, and heads into the house. Jax watches her as she makes her way up the walk way. In the door way a man meets her. She follows him into the house.

Jax pulls out his phone, and types in the address. He finds a name. He waits outside the house, for hours. Eventually he falls asleep. When he wakes up, Gemma's car is gone, and he has seven missed calls from Clay. He listens to voicemail, and turns the car around, and heads home.

When he returns, Clay is too caught up in club drama to ask, what he's found.

Gemma finally returns, on Sunday, around nine pm. Jax finds her car in the driveway, and stops in.

"What are you doing here? I thought that you had..." she begins, opening the door for him.

"We need to talk."

"By all means, come in," she insists.

"Clay thinks that you're cheating on him."

"Clay thinks a lot of things," Gemma responds.

"Are you?"

"That is not any of your damn business, Jax."

"So then, you are?"

She shakes her head, "No, I'm not."

"So where did you go, this weekend?"

"To the spa."

"Nine hours away?"

"Nine hours away? Did you follow me?"

"To some hotshot lawyer's house. What the Hell is that about?"

"You have no idea."

"Enlighten me."

"Jax, some things, are better left in the dark."

"Like you screwing some guy, nine hours away?"

"I am not screwing him."

"Why did you go to see him?"

"He is an old friend. Someone I knew, a lifetime ago."

"And he just called you up, out of the blue, to come and see him?"

"No. I see him about once a month."

"Why? Is he dying, or something?"

"You wouldn't understand," she argues.


	2. Running From Your Problems

"After everything Clay and I have been through, do you really think that I would let our marriage fall apart, over another man? You've got to be kidding me. Jax, I am not cheating on him. I have been nothing but faithful to him, for all of these years."

"So, then explain it to me, so I can explain it to him."

"You tell him, that if he has a question, or a damn accusation," her voice raises, "he should come to me."

"Ok," Jax nods.

She's in bed that night, waiting for her husband to come home, when her phone rings. She glances at the phone. She instantly recognizes the number. She pulls the phone to her ear.

"Hi, baby. I know, I miss you too. I know, but we've talked about this. I can't do that. I love you, but I can't. Goodnight. I love you," she hangs up.

She puts her phone on the nightstand. She looks up, when she hears Clay clear her throat.

"Are you trying to sneak up on me, or something?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Who was on the phone?"

"No one."

"Gemma! Dammit! Stop lying to me."

"What is your problem?"

"Who is he? Who is this bastard that you've been seeing."

"Jealous is not a good color on you."

"Who is he, Gemma?"

"How many times have you cheated on me?"

"That's not the point."

"What is the point? Huh? Are you going to make him disappear?"

"I just want the truth."

She grabs her phone, and hops out of the bed. She blows past him. He follows after her. She grabs her keys, and heads out the door. She jumps in her car.

"Where the Hell, do you think you're going?" he rages as she backs out of the driveway.

She drives, aimlessly, sobbing. Finally, she picks a direction, and just drives. She drives for hours, and then stops to fill up. She keeps driving, until she reaches her destination. At a normal pace the trip takes nine hours, she makes it in six. The sun is just coming up, as she pulls into the driveway.

She gets out of the car, and makes her way down the sidewalk. She pulls a key, out of her purse, and unlocks the door. She slips her heels off, in an effort to sneak in, unnoticed. She walks past the living room, and takes a left, up the stairs. She tiptoes up the stairs.

She stops, at the top of the stairs, and looks through the half-open door to her right. After she's satisfied that she won't be caught, she continues down the hallway. She stops, at the door way, at the end of the hall. It's cracked.

She pushes the door open, with the tips of her fingers. On the far window, is a large bay window. Underneath the window, is a bed. There is a mound of lavender blankets, covering the bed. She tiptoes over to the bed.

She peels back the covers, and climbs in. She pulls the covers down, enough to reveal long brunette locks. She pushes them away from the face that they are sticking to. She kisses the cheek, of a sleeping angel.

"Zahra," she whispers.

The brunette rolls over, and opens her eyes. She stares at Gemma, in silence. She smiles, a sleepy grin.

"Good morning."

"What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you."

"You just saw me, yesterday."

"I know, and you've already changed so much."

"No, I haven't. I'm exactly the same."

"Your hair is longer," Gemma offers.

"It's early."

"Yes, I know."

"You drove all night?"

"I wanted to see you, before you went to school."

"Why?"

Gemma swallows hard, "I didn't want to have to miss another birthday."

"Why does it have to be this way? I don't understand."

"I know, but one day, you will."

"Don't go," she begs.

"I am not going anywhere, right now."

"Ever," she clarifies.

"I have to."

"Everything, everyone, always comes before me. It's not fair. I'm sick of it."

"I know."

"Can't you stay, this time?"

"Shh!"

Gemma lies, in silence, just staring at the face of an angel. Her savior. One of the only good choices she had ever made in her life. The biggest mistake, the biggest secret.

The burden, that she refused to share. The face, that she refused to share with the world. The secret, the guilt, that had been eating at her, for far too long.

The only thing that kept her part of humanity, was lying in a twin sized bed, next to her. She chokes back tears, that she has saved, for so many years.

"Please, don't leave," breaks the silence.

"Please, don't do this," Gemma begs, feeling her heart breaking.

"I have to go to school, soon."

"I know."

An hour an a half later, Gemma leaves the house, to go home. She hears footsteps, chasing after her.

"No, not yet," she begs.

A tall, grey-haired man, stands in the doorway, staring at Gemma.

"Zahra, come on," he insists.

"I'll drop her off."

"Are you sure?"

"It's her birthday," Gemma responds.

"You heard her, Zahra, grab your bag, you don't want to be late."

She waits in her car, for Zahra. After a few moments, Zahra climbs in the passenger's side. She backs out of the driveway, and heads down the street.


	3. Followed

Forty five minutes later, she pulls into a diner, on her way out of town. Her stomach growls, as the waitress pours her cup of coffee. She doesn't look up, when she hears the bell, above the door ring.

She sits at her booth, and studies the menu. She sits in front of the window, but is too tired, and hungry to care what is going on outside. She hears boots moving towards her. They stop, next to her table. She remains focused, on her menu, as the owner of the boots, slide in the booth, across the table from her.

"Gemma?"

"You followed me?"

"Of course."

"I can take care of myself, you know."

"Gemma, I have never doubted that."

"But, you doubt my fidelity?" She looks up at him.

"So what? You're leading a double life?" he furrows his brow, in confusion.

"What? No," she shakes her head.

"So, what's the deal? Your lover has a kid?"

"He's not my lover."

"Your partner? I don't know what the hell you wanna call him."

"He is an old friend."

"Just an old friend? Yet you drove all night to see him?"

"First of all, he's gay. Second of all, I didn't drive all night to see him."

"So, it's about the kid, then?"

"There is no right answer here," she tells him.

"How about the truth?" he suggests.

"Clay, if I wanted you to know, you already would."

"Is this you, trying to make up, for some sort of lost cause, or something?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You always wanted a daughter, and you got two boys, and then a whole lot of heartache, too."

"Clay, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"So, you decided to play mommy, to a motherless child?"

"She's not motherless."

"So, then explain."

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"I am your husband. You know all of my secrets."

"That doesn't mean that you have to know all of mine."

"Gemma, please."

"How long did we try?"

He shakes his head, "I don't know, I lost count."

"And every time it ended in heartbreak."

"I know, that's why we stopped. What does that have to do with this?"

"I am trying to tell you, if you would listen."

"I'm listening."

She tries to come up, with a good place to start.

_November 1st, 2000-_

_Clay comes home, and finds her packing. She tosses clothing, into a suitcase, that's lying on the bed._

_"Going somewhere?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Where?"_

_"I am leaving, for a while."_

_"To go where?"_

_"Out of town."_

_"Clearly, where are you going?"_

_"I just got a call, my grandmother is very sick. They put her on hospice."_

_"So you're going to go see her?"_

_"No," she shakes her head._

_"So why are you packing?"_

_"I am going to go take care of her."_

_"For how long?"_

_"As long as it takes. She needs me."_

_"I know how much she means to you, but..."_

_"I have to go."_

_"When will you be back?"_

_"Could be a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months."_

_"You'll call?"_

_"Everyday."_

_"Gemma, I don't like this."_

_"I have to do this."_

_"Ok," he nods._

He looks at his cup of coffee, and then at her. He shakes his head.

"And what exactly does this have to do with your dead grandmother?"

"My grandmother died when I was eleven."

"So, it was a lie?"

"It was a cover."

"For what?"

"The truth."

"Clearly. Gemma, just tell me the truth."

_October 31st 2000-_

_She sits in the bathroom, with the door closed. Clay isn't home, and she's alone. She sits on the bathroom floor. Her back leans against the side of the bathtub. Her hair is pulled into a pony tail. The dark circles under her eyes, are nothing new, but worse than usual. She turns her hand over, knowing that she can't will this away. She sighs, as she studies the plastic object in her hand. _

_"Shit!" she says aloud, as she stares at the bright pink plus sign._

_Most people, would be happy, or at least pretend to be. This time, she can't even fake it. She throws the stick against the wall, in anger. She looks upward._

_"Really? Do you think that this is funny? Is this some sort of sick punishment?" she yells, to heaven._

_One son, that is all she has. One living son. One dead son. The miscarriages, and now, this. She knows how this will end. She just has to figure out, how to keep it from Clay. _

_They had been down this road before, and she doesn't care to revisit it. _

His blue eyes stare at her. She swallows hard, knowing what he is going to ask. She waits.

"You were pregnant? That is why you left, for nearly a year?"

"Yes," she nods.


	4. Familiar

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to tell anyone. It never worked, no matter how hard we tried, it never, ever worked. I left, because I didn't want to have to explain myself to you, to everyone else."

"You never have to explain yourself to me."

"I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again."

"I know."

"First losing Thomas, and then..." she pauses.

"Noah. I know. I know that losing Noah broke your heart."

"I think about that a lot, you know. Abel was born ten weeks early, and he's perfectly healthy. And Noah, was born just two weeks earlier. Sometimes, I wonder if he had just waited, just a few more weeks, if he would still be with us."

"Gemma, life isn't fair."

"I know that."

"Noah never had a chance."

"And, that's my fault," she points out.

"No, it wasn't. It had nothing to do with his heart. His lungs just weren't ready."

"But he was born twelve weeks early, because of his heart."

"Gemma, we don't need to talk about this. I know how much you hate talking about him."

"I left, because I knew how the story ended. I knew what would happen. I lived it, three times, each time, worse than the last. I couldn't bear to go through that again. And, I didn't want to put anyone else through it, either."

"So you left?"

"Exactly."

"Why did you stay gone, for so long? You needed that much time to grieve?"

"When I found out, I was already twelve weeks along. I kept telling myself that I was fine, and I put off taking the test. I figured, with my past history, that it would eventually, just go away. I just didn't know when it would happen. I couldn't take the chance of you finding out, and I knew that I couldn't hide it, forever."

"Where did you go?"

"I just drove, for a long time. After nine hours in the car, I was hungry, and tired, so I stopped here, and had a bite to eat."

_November 1st, 2000-_

_She sits at her booth, in silence. She hears footsteps approaching. She assumes it's the waitress. She looks up, and finds a familiar face standing in front of her._

_"Gemma?"_

_"Owen?"_

_"What are you doing here?"_

_"I'm just driving."_

_"You look tired."_

_"It's been a long trip."_

_"Where are you headed?"_

_"Honestly, I don't know."_

_"Do you know where you're staying?"_

_"No."_

_"You look tired, and it's getting late. If you don't have a place to stay, you could crash with me."_

_"Owen, I am..."_

_"I know, you're not the girl that you used to be. But, the twinkle in your eyes, tells me that the Gemma I used to know, is still in there, somewhere."_

_"Yeah, somewhere," she forces a smile._

_"So, you'll crash with me, tonight."_

_"I don't think my husband would approve."_

_"I don't think that he would mind, if he knew that I have a boyfriend."_

_"Oh."_

She stops, and looks at her husband. He takes a bite of the stack of pancakes sitting in front of him. He swallows, and begins to speak.

"Owen is the guy I saw you with, earlier?"

"I wasn't with him."

"That is whose house you were at?"

"Yes."

"How long did you stay with Owen?"

"Far longer than I expected."

"So that is why you went to see him?"

"I told you I wasn't there to see him."

"You were there to see the girl?"

"Yes."

"His girl?"

"Her name is Zahra."

"Zahra? What kind of name, is Zahra?"

"What kind of name is Clarence?" she counters.

"So, you're close to the girl?"

"Yes."

"How long have you been making these trips?"

"A long time."

"Why is this a big secret? She doesn't have a mother in her life, and you're helping an old friend out?"

"Not really."

"Gemma, I just don't understand why it has to be a secret. You could have told me the truth, I wouldn't have been mad."

"Yes, you would have. You will be," she answers.

"You underestimate me."

Gemma pulls her wallet out of her purse. She sifts through the contents, until she finds what she's looking for. She hands the picture to Clay. He studies it for a moment.

"This is her?"

"Yes, that's Zahra."

"She's a pretty girl," he admits.

"Look closer," she suggests.

He scrutinizes the picture. He doesn't see anything out of the ordinary. She wears a navy blue polo, with her school logo on it. Her long, thick, dark locks, are neatly braided. They rest on her right shoulder, as she smiles. Her face is angelic. Her blue eyes are captivating.

"I don't see anything out of the ordinary."

"You won't. You're not looking for something out of the ordinary. You're looking for something familiar."


	5. Enough For One Day

"Familiar? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"What about her mother, where is her mother?"

"Today, is Zahra's birthday. She's eleven," she responds, without answering his question.

"So?" he fails to see the correlation.

"Eleven," Gemma repeats.

He takes another look at the photo, then he looks at his wife, who slowly chews her French toast. She watches him, waiting for it to click.

"Eleven?" he swallows hard.

"Yes, she's eleven," she answers.

"Meaning?"

"_I _am her mother."

"What?"

* * *

_May 7th, 2001-_

_She bites her nails, waiting for the silence in the room to cease. She stares at a blue curtain, waiting for chaos to ensue. Owen sits next to her, squeezing her other hand._

_"Gemma?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Look at me," he insists._

_She turns her head, and looks at him, "I know you're waiting for the worst, you have been all along. Everything is fine. Remember, the doctor said that she's fine."_

_"She?" she furrows her brow._

_Their conversation is interrupted by a screaming baby. The doctor lifts her over the curtain._

_"It's a girl," he announces. _

_Gemma stares at the dark-haired baby girl, who is bright red, and screaming her head off. _

_"She's ok?"_

_Three hours later, she's back in recovery. The doctor comes in. He takes a seat, at her bedside._

_"When can I see her?" _

_"The nurse will be bringing her in, any minute. She's perfectly healthy. Her heart is perfect."_

_The nurse wheels the baby in. She places the sleeping baby girl, in her arms. The doctor leaves, and Owen comes in. He takes a seat next to her._

_"So? What now?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Have you thought of a name?"_

_"Zahra," she answers, without a second thought._

_"How are you going to explain this to Clay?"_

_Gemma stares at the precious little girl. She thinks of her two sons, and their fates. She thinks of Jackson, especially. _

_"I'm not," she decides._

_"What?"_

_"I am not taking her back to Charming, with me."_

_"What are you going to do? Give her up for adoption? Gemma I don't understand. This is what you have waited for. A perfectly healthy baby. A baby girl."_

_"I can't take her back to Charming. She's perfect, and healthy, and most of all, she's innocent. She doesn't stand a chance in Charming."_

_"So what are you going to do?"_

_"Give her a chance. Do, the only thing any mother, can do for their child, love her, and protect her. I have to protect her. I know how her life will be, if she comes home with me. I don't want that for her."_

_"So, what are you going to do?"_

_"The only thing that I can do, leave her in safe hands."_

* * *

Clay stares at her, in confusion, and in anger.

"You think that Charming is that bad?"

"Clay, I love you."

"Don't!" He warns.

"I didn't want a life of lies, and crime, and guilt for her. I wanted something more."

"So you walked away? From your daughter? From your own flesh and blood? I never saw that coming."

"I didn't walk away. I saw her every chance I got."

"She knows, that you're her mother?"

"Yes, of course she does."

"And Owen is her father?"

"Owen is the only man who has ever been a father to her."

"He's her father?"

"His name is on the birth certificate," she lies.

"Gemma, is he her father?"

"He is the only father she's ever had."

"Why would you keep this from me? For all of these years? You hid the fact that you have a child, with another man, from me? Gemma, this is unforgivable."

"I did what I had to. I have always done, whatever is necessary to protect my children."

"You crossed a line," he warns.

"Clay, I know that you're angry, but I need you to hear me."

"I don't want to hear anything else. You have an eleven year old daughter that you never told me about, that you hid from me. I have heard enough, for one day."

"I know that you don't understand, and that you probably never will, but you have to try."

"Why?"

"Clay, I have had to live with this, every single day, for the last eleven years. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? I have kept so many secrets, but this, by far is the worst. Do you have any idea what it's like, for a mother, not to tell the world about her own child? To keep her hidden away, to protect her? It's the worst feeling in the world."

He shakes his head, "And you didn't trust me enough, to tell me the truth? Gemma, I'm your husband. After all the shit we've been through, I thought that I could trust you with my life."

"You can."

"I can't trust you with anything."

"You don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"The way our lives turn out, are based on two things. The blood in our veins, and the environment that we're in. I couldn't change the blood in her veins, but I could change the environment that she was in."

"You didn't want her to be like you? That's what this is all about?"

"The club runs in her veins. I can't change that."

"You should have told me. Does she know?"

"She knows everything."

"Do I?"

She shakes her head, "She knows more than you do."

"What more can there be? You cheated on me, and you have an eleven year old daughter?"

"I didn't cheat on you."

"What?" he furrows his brow. "You said that Owen is her father."

"I said that he is the only father she's even known. I didn't say that he was her biological father."

"What the Hell, does that mean, Gemma?"

She points at the picture, "That, is _your_ daughter."


	6. Flower

She pulls up to the school, in her Escalade. She parks next to the curb, and waits. Within five minutes, kids come flooding out of the doors. Most of them race towards vehicles. Zahra calmly makes her way to the car. She opens the door, and places her backpack on the floor. She closes the door, and fastens her seatbelt.

"I didn't know that you were picking me up today, I didn't even know that you were still here."

"I thought I would stick around, a little while longer."

"Dad?"

"He's still at the office."

"So you're taking me home?"

"I thought that we could do something special, for your birthday."

"We had cake, and ice cream, yesterday. And, on Saturday, we went to mini golf."

"I know, I was there."

"We don't have to do anything else."

"We can do whatever you want."

"Mommy?"

"Huh?" she looks at the sweet girl, sitting in her passenger seat, through her sunglasses.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Within reason," she clarifies, "So what do you want to do? Ice cream? Shopping? Paint ball?"

"No."

"To which one?"

"All of them."

"What do you want to do."

"Get a tattoo."

"No."

"I'm kidding," she cracks a smile.

"You know how I feel about that."

"Over your dead body, and if you caught me with one, you would scrub it off with a brillo pad."

"Exactly."

"That's hypocritical, don't you think? You have tattoos."

"Yes, and most of them were youthful indiscretions. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't get most of them."

"But you would get some of them?"

"I suppose."

"Which ones?"

Gemma smiles, "This one," she points to the flower on her arm.

"What's so special about that one?"

"That is the one I got, after I had you."

"Why a flower?"

"Because of your name."

"My name? Zahra?"

"Zahra Amarante."

"I know what my name is."

"Zahra, means bright, and Amarante means flower that never fades."

"Why would you name me after a flower?"

"Because you're beautiful, and delicate, like a flower."

"I am not delicate," she argues.

"So, what do you want to do? And, no, you can't get a tattoo. You are eleven."

"What about, when I'm sixteen?"

"We will discuss it then."

"Ok."

"So, what do you want to do?"

"I want to go home with you."

"Zahra..."

"Why do things have to be this way?"

"You know why."

"Explain it."

"I have."

"Better!" she insists.

"In Charming family is leverage. The more family you have, the more leverage the other guy has. If he wants to hurt you, he hurts your family. And, I don't want to put you in harms way."

"That is not a good enough reason. You can't hide me away from the rest of the world, for my whole life."

"I know."

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, absolutely not."

"Then why do I live nine hours away from you? You're my mother, I should be with you."

Her words pierce Gemma's heart, "I know that, my love."

"I don't mean as much to you, as Jax, or anyone else?"

"You mean more."

"I don't believe you."

Gemma pulls the car over, on the side of the road. She puts it into park, and looks at her daughter. She tucks a stray strand of Zahra's hair, behind her ear.

"You are my only daughter. I have made a lot of mistakes, in my life, a lot of bad decisions. You are one of the only good things I have ever done. You are smart, beautiful, sweet, and innocent. I want you to stay all of those things. I don't want you to be sucked into the life of the club, like I have been. I love you so much. My heart hurts, every single day, that I am away from you. I know that you don't understand right now, but one day, you'll have a child, and you will. My job, as your mother, is to love, and protect you. This, is the only way that I can protect you. Zahra, I can't be with you, every second, of everyday, no matter where you are. This, is the only way that I can protect you."

"Me, living nine hours away?"

"Yes."

"It's not fair," she argues, as tears start to trail down her cheeks.

"Baby, please don't cry."

"I just want you. All I have ever wanted is you."

"What about your dad?"

"Am I ever going to meet him?" Zahra quizzes.

"I meant Owen. How would he feel, if you just left? Have you thought about that?"

"Did you ever think how I would feel? To be nine hours away from you, never knowing when, or if I'm going to see you again? Did you ever think how I would feel to be your dirty little secret? The secret that you've kept for eleven years, and nine hours away? Did you ever wonder how I would feel, to be at the bottom of your list of priorities? You may have intended to do what was best for me, but this doesn't work for me, anymore. I want to know who I am."


	7. Once

"I want to meet my father. I just want to be normal, for once, in my life. I don't want to have to lie about who I am, or where my mother is."

"Zahra, calm down."

"Why can't I just come home, with you?"

"Because, in Charming, everyone I love gets sucked in to the life, and their lives turn to shit. I don't want to wake up one morning, and find that my only daughter has been kidnapped, or beaten, or raped, or killed, to get back at the Sons."

"Why don't you leave?"

"Leaving is not an option. Once your in, you're in until you die, there is no way out."

"I thought that was how motherhood was. You know, once you're in, there is no way out."

"When did you become so difficult? What happened to my sweet little five year old girl, who caught fireflies in a jar, in the backyard?"

"She kept growing, without a mother in her life."

"Zahra, what do you want me to say?"

"Just say that I can come."

Clay exhales, loudly, from his spot, behind the backseat. He lies on his back, staring at the ceiling. Unwilling to remain quiet, any longer. He rolls over, and bounds over the seat. Gemma shoots him a scornful look. Zahra stares at him, mesmerized.

"Gemma, give us a minute, please?"

"I don't think this is a good idea."

"Eleven years in the dark, I think I deserve a minute alone with her."

"Fine," she nods, opening the door, and climbing out of the car. She closes the door, and leans against the side of the car, in the hot sun. She crosses her arms, in frustration.

"Zahra, I'm..." he begins.

She cuts him off, "Clay. I know who you are. You're my father, my real father."

"I've never been a real father, to anyone, ever."

"Why are you here?"

"I thought that your mom was cheating on me, so I followed her."

"She is loyal to you, to a fault."

"I know that. I never should have doubted her."

"So what? Now is where you tell me to stop giving her a hard time, and be cool?"

"No," he shakes his head, unable to take his eyes off her face.

"What, then?"

"You're right. You need her."

"But I can't have her?"

"She's been loyal to me, to the club, most of her life. She has made a lot of sacrifices, on my account. This isn't something that should be one of those sacrifices."

"So you're going to convince her to let me come with you?"

"No. She's right too, you know."

"We can't both be right."

"Yes, you can."

"So, what happens now?"

"I make the sacrifice. It's going to be tough, but you're my daughter."

"I remind her of you, sometimes."

"You remind me of her. Ballsy, and stubborn, and beautiful."

"I don't care about you, and your stupid gang."

"Club."

"Whatever. I just want my mother."

"So, take her."

"What?" she furrows her brow.

"Take her."

"What do you mean?"

"It will be my gift, to you. You take her. She should be with you."

"How are you going to explain that one, Prez?"

"I'll think of something."

"She isn't a gift, to be given. She'll never go for it."

"You don't think so?"

"There are too many people, keeping her in Charming."

"We could work something out."

"Or you could work on her."

"Zahra, that is the only deal I can make."

"Unacceptable."

"You are your mother's daughter."

"When I'm sixteen will you let me get a tattoo?"

"And a motorcycle, too, if you promise to stay away from boys, and Charming."

"Deal," smiles.

"How long you think we should let her stand out there? It's pretty hot."

"We should probably let her back in. I wouldn't want her to get skin cancer."

He chuckles. She rolls down the window.

"You can get back in now."

"Are the two of you done talking about me?"

"Get in, Gemma!" Clay insists.

She climbs back into the drivers seat. She looks at her daughter, and then at Clay.

"Can we got get ice cream now?" Gemma questions.

"Gemma?"

"Yes, Clay?"

"You should stay."

"Parked on the side of the road, all afternoon? No, I'll pass."

"Here, with her."

"Clay, the club needs me. It will fall apart without me."

"She needs you. She'll fall apart without you. Which is more important?"

"Don't make her choose," Zahra begs, "She always chooses the club, she always will."

It's late, when they get home. She collapses into her bed, without a shower. She falls asleep, within minutes. Clay showers, and climbs in bed next to her. He looks at her face, and the tattoo on her arm. He can't get the picture, of a beautiful eleven year old girl, out of his head.

Gemma wakes up, in his arms. She finds him staring at her, in silence. The sun is up, and she knows he should be at the shop, attending to business. He kisses her.

"What's on your mind?" he asks.

"What do you think? The same thing that is always on my mind."

"I don't know how you do it, Gemma. I just found out about her, yesterday. We just left her, last night. And, I already miss her."

"Magnify that, and the guilt you feel right now, by about, a million, and that is how I feel, every single day."

"You should have told me."

"I can't get over what she said."

"That you choose the club, and you always will."

"Do you think that's true?"

"I'm not the opinion, that matters."


	8. Happily Ever After?

She sits in her office, staring blankly at her computer screen. She finds herself completely distracted. She doesn't even hear the phone ring. The door swings open, and Clay steps in. She looks over at him.

"You've got a call."

"Whoever it is, I don't want to talk to them. I think that I'm going to go home, for the day."

"Gemma, it's Owen."

"Owen?"

"On line one," he tells her.

"Thanks," she waves him off.

She takes a deep breath, and answers the phone.

"Hey, Owen."

"Gemma, this isn't working. You can't keep doing this to her. She cried all night."

"I'm sorry. What do you want me to do? I am not going to stop coming to see her."

"She's your daughter, and I would never ask you to."

"What do you want me to do? I'm nine hours away. I can't do anything to calm her down."

"She had a tantrum this morning, before school."

"She's an eleven year old girl."

"She put her hand through the sliding glass door. We just got done at the emergency room."

"Is she ok?"

"She's got a few stitches."

"So what is it, that you want me to do?"

"Gemma, I know all of your reasons, for keeping her here, for keeping her with me, but it's not working anymore."

"I can't keep her safe here."

"Gemma, I can't keep her safe here, either. I can't keep her safe from herself, here."

"If I leave now, I can..."

"No. You've barely had any sleep. In four days you've made four nine hour drives."

"So what?"

"I'm bringing her to you. Gemma, she needs you."

"Owen..."

"I'm already on my way."

"Put her on the phone."

"She finally fell asleep, about ten minutes ago. I'm not waking her up."

"How long, before you'll be here?"

"I left town, about forty five minutes ago, so it will be a while."

"I can meet you somewhere."

"Maybe an hour outside of Charming?"

"Ok."

"I'll call you when I get closer."

"Bye," she hangs up.

She heads out of the office. She finds Clay outside, on his bike, getting ready to leave.

"Heading out?" he asks, noting the car keys in her hand.

"What are your plans for the night?"

"I don't know, yet."

"Whatever they are, clear them."

"Why?"

"We're having dinner."

"Just the two of us?"

"Me, you, and her," she points to the tattoo on her arm.

"Really?"

"I have some errands to run. Don't come home too late, I won't wait up."

"This isn't a good idea."

"We ran out of good ideas, a long time ago."

"What's your plan?"

"One second at a time," she answers.

"Ok, I'll see you at home."

A couple of hours later Gemma makes it home. She pulls into the garage. She turns off the car, and closes the garage door, behind her. She unloads the car, and heads into the house. She drops her bags, in the living room. She heads into the hallway.

She stares at two doors. She opens one. She looks inside. It's dark, and full of old boxes of crap. Jax's old room. She leaves the room, closing the door behind her. She steps into the hallway, and stares at the other door.

The door to her left is one that has remained closed, for many years. She takes a deep breath, and turns the handle. This room has been untouched, for years. There was no closure here. It had been Tommy's room. It was blue then, and everything in it, had something to do with baseball. The blue paint is faded, and the contents are boxed up.

She hadn't been in here, in years. She wasn't the one, who put his things into boxes. Clay had, she told him to get rid of all of it. He knew better.

She carries all of the boxes into Jackson's old room. She closes the door behind her. She returns to Tommy's room. She pulls out a vacuum, and a dust rag. She pulls down the old curtains, and tosses them in the trash. The only thing that remains in the room, is an empty bed, an empty dresser, and a bookshelf, with a lamp on it.

She returns to the living room. She carries her bags into the laundry room. She empties the bedding into the washer. She adds detergent, and fabric softener, and turns it on. She closes the lid, and moves on, to her other bags. She pulls tags, off of all the clothing she's bought. She takes the tags, and tosses them in the trash.

When the washer buzzes, she tosses the bedding into the dryer. She takes the new clothing, and places it in the washer. She turns it on, and checks her watch. She leaves the laundry room, and heads for the garage. She grabs her car keys off the kitchen counter.

She returns home, a few hours later. She finds that Clay is already home. He meets her in the garage.

"Where is she?" he asks, looking in the front seat.

"She's in the back. She's sleeping."

"I'll get her," he offers.

She grabs the suitcase, and he grabs their daughter. He carries her into the house. She follows him into Tommy's room. He lays her down, on her freshly made bed. Gemma sets the suitcase down, by the door. She flips the light off, as they leave the room.

"I ordered pizza," he tells her.

"I didn't expect you to do all of that," she tells him.

"I found it in the laundry room, so I figured I might as well put it on her bed. I put the clothes in her room. I know you ran out of time."

"This is strange."

"Having her here?"

"Acting like we're a normal family."

"For tonight, we are."


	9. Home

He takes a seat at the table. He looks at his wife. She looks incredibly tired, and beyond worn out.

"Maybe it's time, that I retire."

"What are you talking about?"

"We could leave Charming."

"And go where?"

"Wherever we wanted. We could travel the country, with Zahra, and leave all this behind us."

"You don't mean that."

"I do."

"Why would you do that? The club is your life."

"No, you're my life. She is my life."

"I would never ask you to do that."

"You're different when you're around her, you know that?"

"I know. I'm the version of me ,that I wish I could be, all the time."

"Honest, open? Gemma, you don't have to be so badass, all the time."

"My job is to protect this family, in whatever way I can."

"You're happy when you're with her."

"Of course I am. She's my daughter. My flesh and blood. She is my humanity."

"She's beautiful, just like you."

"And too smart for her own good."

"So, how does this work?"

"I don't know. I never knew, that's why I did, what I did."

"I know. You don't have to explain it. You were trying to protect her."

"It's different with her. She's a girl. She's..."

"She's not a delicate, fragile, flower Gemma. She's like you, she's tough as Hell."

"I don't want her to be like me. I don't want her to have to be the one who keeps all the secrets, and the lies straight. I don't want her to have to be so angry. I don't want her to be like me."

"You're an incredible woman, Gemma."

"I want her to be better, be more. That is all I ever wanted, for any of them."

"And Jax, he turned out just like John."

"He's too much like his father, and I."

"And Tommy... he was nothing like Jax."

"He was always so small, and fragile. He was sensitive, and sweet, and..."

"You never got to see the man he could be."

"Do you think I was wrong, to but her in his old room?"

"I wouldn't want her in Jackson's room. Who knows what she would find in there."

"I wake up, every single day, and I have to remind myself that this is all real. I remind myself, that I have a daughter."

"You should have told me."

"If I had known, that she was going to be perfectly healthy, I would have."

"But when you knew that she was, you didn't."

"When I was about six months pregnant with her, I had a terrible dream. We were here, in this house, and she was about five years old. I looked all over the house, and I couldn't find her. I walked outside, and she was in the middle of the street, full of bullet holes. And, since then, that has always been in the back of my mind."

"Gemma, I am not going to let anything happen to her. No one is going to touch her."

"And if they do?"

"If anyone so much as touches a hair on her head, they're dead, I don't care who they are."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"We have a daughter, and I kept that from you, for eleven years. You missed eleven years of her life, that you can never get back."

"I have every intention of making it up."

"You know, all I want to do, right now, is just watch her sleep."

"I know."

"How are we going to play this?"

"We let her steer the ship," he suggests.

"You've know about her for a day, and already she's wrapped around your finger."

"She's my daughter," he smiles.

"And she's got your big blue eyes, that I could just stare at, forever."

"You know, this is the best secret that you've ever kept. You've had to hold onto a lot of dark, shitty stuff."

"I know."

"Should we go watch her sleep?" he questions.

"No, that's creepy," a voice warns them.

Zahra comes into view. Gemma smiles widely, at her.

"Did you sleep well?"

"I'm hungry," she answers.

"We've got pizza. I don't know it you'll like it, he ordered it. He's got weird taste in pizza," she looks at the slice of pizza on her plate, and then looks to Clay, "What's even on this?"

"Pineapple, and banana peppers," he informs her.

"Do you have an Italian dressing?" Zahra questions.

Clay smiles, "That's my girl," he passes her the bottle of dressing, as she takes a seat, on Gemma's lap. Gemma pulls Zahra's long hair, out of her face.

"Do you mind?" she looks at Gemma.

"I'm not going to eat it," she answers.

Zahra proceeds to pour the dressing on her plate, dipping each bite in it.

She looks at Clay, "I'm glad you finally found someone to share your pizza with."

Zahra swallows her bite of pizza, and wipes her mouth on the shoulder of her shirt.

"Very ladylike," Gemma comments.

"Where am I going to go to school?" she inquires.

"That's a good question," Gemma admits.

"What grade are you in, fifth?"

"Seventh," she answers.

"Seventh? You're eleven," Clay responds.

"I started pre-school when I was three. Then, I skipped kindergarten, and went to first grade."

Hours later, Gemma finds herself sliding out of bed, to go check on Zahra.

"Where are you going?" Clay questions.

"I'll be right back."

"I was just in there, five minutes ago."

"Well, now she's five minutes older."

He rolls his eyes, as she leaves the room. She tiptoes down the hallway. She stops at the doorway. She slowly pushes it open. After a few moments, she is satisfied that she is sleeping. Instead of turning, and going back to her room, she goes into Zahra's room. She climbs in bed next to her, and watches her as she sleeps, until she herself falls asleep, too.


	10. Past

When she opens her eyes, she finds a pair of big blue eyes staring at her.

"This bed is too small for the both of us," she reveals.

"I'll go back to my bed. What time is it?"

Zahra looks at the clock, "Just after two, in the morning."

"Go, back to sleep," Gemma kisses her forehead, and turns, to leave.

She feels a hand on her shoulder, as she sits up, on the edge of the bed, "Don't go."

She turns, and studies the face, begging her not to leave. A pair of sad, sleepy eyes stare back at her.

"Ok," she agrees.

She pulls the cover back over them, as she situates herself. Zahra rolls over, to face the wall. Gemma stares at the back of her head, in silence. She lies in the dark, staring at the back of her head, for a while. She listens to her breathing, making sure that she's ok. She moves, a centimeter, when she thinks that Zahra has fallen asleep.

"Don't leave me," a voice insists, sounding incredibly small.

She brushes Zahra's hair, off her face, and tucks it behind her ear. She feels her eyes welling up with tears. She swallows hard, and replies.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Neither am, I," Zahra counters.

"Zahra, I am sorry, that I am not the mother that you have needed me to be."

"I just needed a mother."

"And I haven't been there for you."

"You have, just not enough."

"I know."

"Gemma?"

"Don't call me that," Gemma warns.

"Mom, you know that you can't protect me, from the whole world, right?"

"Rationally, yes."

"But?"

"Mothers are not always rational. Sometimes, they have to be, completely irrational, and unreasonable, when it comes to protecting their children."

"You can't lock me away, forever."

"I could try."

"Do you think that would work?"

"You're too much like me, for that to work."

"I know."

"Go to sleep."

"Why? I don't have anywhere to be in the morning, do I?"

"No, I guess not."

"What time are you going to work, tomorrow?"

"I'm not."

"I'll be fine."

"Zahra, I'm not leaving you home alone."

"I'll be fine."

"No."

"Then you can take me with you."

"And how will I explain that?"

"You don't owe anyone an explanation."

"They will ask."

"Just lie. You're good at it."

"I don't want to lie."

"You have lied about me, my entire life, why stop now?"

"I do not lie about you."

"You just leave out the fact that I exist. What is the difference?"

"I guess that there isn't much of one."

"Why can't you just tell the truth?"

"Because I would die, if anything ever happened to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me. I am not easy to get rid of."

"Go to sleep, my love."

"What are the consequences, if I don't?"

"I'll let you clean Clay's bike."

"I don't think I should touch his bike."

"Smart girl," a voice chimes in, from the doorway.

"What are you doing up?" Gemma questions.

"You never came back to bed."

"Go back to bed, I'm going to stay in here, with her, tonight."

"Ok," he agrees. He steps into the room. He kisses Gemma, and then Zahra. "Night girls."

"Night," Zahra says, as he leaves the room.

Gemma listens, as he walks down the hallway, to their room. When she's sure that he's out of ear reach, she turns to Zahra.

"What about Owen?"

"What about him?"

"He has been your father, your entire life."

"He's not my father."

"He has raised you. You can't just cut him out of your life. You owe him more than that."

"I do not owe him anything. You are the one, who owes him," Zahra reminds her.

"I owe him everything. If he wants to see you, I won't stop him."

"He won't."

"What makes you think that?"

"He's having his own kid."

"What are you talking about?"

"He, and his partner, are having a baby, through a surrogate."

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Zahra, go to sleep, we can talk in the morning."

"Ok," she relents.

Zahra eventually falls asleep. Gemma lies in bed, next to her, and watches her as she sleeps.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, before closing her eyes. Before she falls asleep, she remember a scene, from years ago.

* * *

_She steps through the door. She finds a little girl, playing with dolls, on the floor of the living room. She smiles, and says her name._

_"Zahra."_

_The blue-eyed girl turns, and looks at her. She stares at her, in anger. She shakes her head, and folds her arms, across her little chest._

_"Go, away!"_

_"Zahra," she steps closer._

_Zahra stands up, "No, go away!"_

_Gemma gets on the floor, she rests on her knees, to be at eye level with the little girl. She wraps her arms around her, hugging her close, smelling her freshly washed hair._

_"No," she tries to hit her._

_"Zahra."_

_"You said you wouldn't leave."_

_"I..."_

_"You left me. You lied. I hate you. Go away," she screams, through tears. _

_"Zahra, I had to go."_

_"Go! Go, now!" the four year old screams at her. She pushes her away._

_Gemma watches, as she runs off. Her white dress, and long hair trail behind her, as she runs up the stairs._

* * *

The tears come, before sleep does.


	11. Tender Spot

When she wakes up, the bed is empty. For a moment, she begins to panic. She climbs out of bed, and wonders into the hall. She moves quicker, with each step.

She finds Clay sitting at the table, with Zahra.

"Your pancakes are getting cold," Clay comments, from behind the newspaper.

"How long have the two of you been up?"

"Long enough to make pancakes," Zahra replies.

"Oh," she sinks into her chair. She quickly notices that both of them are dressed.

"Are the two of you headed somewhere?" she asks.

"I thought that I would take her for a ride."

"Over my dead body," she answers, as she shovels a bite into her mouth.

"I told you that's what she would say," Clay looks at Zahra.

"It was worth a try."

After tossing the dishes into the sink, Gemma heads to the shower. She gets dressed. When she leaves her room, she finds that Clay has already left. Zahra sits on the couch, quietly.

"Are we going to stay here, all day?"

"I have work to do," Gemma admits.

"I can..."

"Come on," Gemma insists.

The car ride is silent. Gemma pulls into garage. Some of the sons are outside. She climbs out, without a second thought. Zahra stays in the car. Gemma motions for her.

"Come on," she insists.

The eleven year old climbs out of the car. She slams the door closed, and follows Gemma into the office. Gemma finds her a seat, in the office.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Gemma looks around the office. She finds a box, and hands it to Zahra.

"You could file these," Gemma points to the filing cabinet.

"Ok."

"You're not going to argue?"

"What else do I have to do?"

"You should be working on school."

"I don't have a school."

"Do you want to go to school?"

"I hate school. Can I just stay here with you?"

"For today."

"And then, what?"

"How do you feel about home school?"

"Are you going to teach me? And run all of this?"

"I am a great multi-tasker."

"Ok."

"You're easy to please, today."

The door flies open. Jax walks in, unannounced.

"There is a door, for a reason," Gemma reminds him.

"This door is never closed."

"It was closed, today."

"You want me to knock?"

"It would have been nice. What do you need?"

"What's with the kid," he points to Zahra.

"I asked you a question, first."

"I don't remember," he admits.

"So, then scram."

"Ma, what's with the kid?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Why is there a kid in your office? Are you a babysitting service now?"

"I seem to be ok, when I'm watching your kids."

"Why is she here? You're supposed to be working."

"I am. She's my new assistant."

"There are child labor laws, you know."

"Like we follow the letter of the law, around here."

"Are you going to tell me who she is, or not?"

"Or not."

"Does she have a name."

"Of course she does."

"Why is she with you?"

"She's writing a book report, a day in the life of..." Gemma begins.

"Whatever," he rolls his eyes, and walks away. He slams the door behind himself.

Gemma looks at Zahra. Zahra rolls her eyes, and returns to her filing.

"What?" Gemma questions, in exasperation.

"What's your next lie going to be, I'm a prospect."

"Very funny."

"Can I go home, now?"

"No," she shakes her head, "You wanted this, so, now you're stuck."

"Why can't you just be normal?"

"You wouldn't like me, if I were normal."

"Maybe I could be normal, if you were."

"What does that mean? You're perfectly normal."

"No, I'm not. Far from it."

"What are you talking about?"

"He's never told you, has he?"

"Who?"

"Owen."

"About what?"

"Maybe you should talk to my shrink."

"Your shrink? You don't have a shrink."

"Yes, I do."

"What do you need a shrink for? You're eleven years old?"

"Maybe you should strong arm him into giving you a copy of my file, because I don't think that I'm going to tell you."

"Zahra, why are you going to a shrink?"

She storms out of the office. Gemma closes the file she's working on, and heads after her. By the time that she hits the stairs, Zahra is to the parking lot.

Clay looks up from his bike, and finds Zahra standing in front of him, with her arms folded across her chest.

"What's wrong?"

"Can you take me home?"

"What did," he looks in Gemma's direction, "she say?"

"She's the problem. Please."

He nods, and hands her his helmet. She fastens it, and climbs on the back of his bike.


	12. Priorities

She's barely through the door of the house, when Gemma pulls into the driveway. Gemma meets Clay in the driveway, as he tries to escape. She puts herself between his bike, and his way out.

"You know, that is one of my worst nightmares? Her, riding off on the back of a bike."

"She wanted me to bring her home. What did you do to upset her?"

"My mere existence upsets her."

"That's not true. She wants to be with you."

"She wants me, but she doesn't want any rules."

"Figure it out. We don't have much time."

"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?"

"In a few years she's going to be a teenager. You've got to get this shit under control, before then."

"Me? Need I remind you, this isn't all on me? Half of this is on you."

"I've got business to take care of."

"So do I."

"She comes first."

"You're choosing business over her."

"I'll be home for dinner," he kisses her.

"We'll be waiting," she rolls her eyes, and stomps to the house.

Zahra is lying in her bed, when she hears Clay's bike roar out of the driveway, onto the street. The door slams, and footsteps quickly approach. She buries her head, in her pillow. The door to her bedroom flies open. Gemma stands in the doorway, enraged.

"What, the Hell was that?"

"That, is my life. It sucks every single day, no matter what."

"What do you want me to do, or say, to make this ok?"

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what, Zahra?"

"I am screwed up, and that is on you."

"Why did you storm out?" Gemma asks, stepping inside the room.

"In your world, the one who screams the loudest wins."

Gemma takes a deep breath, she makes her way to the bed. She takes a seat on the edge. She brushes Zahra's hair out of her face.

"Please, tell me, why are you seeing a shrink."

"You don't want to hear this."

"Try me."

"I have panic attacks, and I have night terrors."

"Since when?"

"I've been having night terrors since I was three, and panic attacks since I was five."

"I didn't know that. Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"I didn't want you to know."

"Why not?"

"They are really bad, sometimes."

"Can we talk about your hand?"

"I was angry."

"It's gnarly."

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Why are you having panic attacks?"

"I have panic attacks, because I am afraid that..." she trails off.

"That, what?"

"You don't want to hear this," she tells her.

"Hear what?"

"I am afraid of being abandoned. I can't be a normal kid. I can't go to sleepovers, or go out of town, with my friends. I can barely go to the mall with them."

Gemma doesn't say anything. Her heart sinks.

"I am afraid that I'll get dropped off, and no one will ever come to pick me up."

Gemma swallows hard. "Come here," she insists.

Zahra scoots closer. Gemma wraps her arms around her, and holds her closely. "I am sorry. I am sorry that I have made you feel that way," she kisses her forehead, "But listen to me. No matter where you are, or how far away your are, or what you have done, I will always come for you."

"But you're not always there. I need you, and you're not always there."

She squeezes her, just a little bit tighter, "I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. That is a promise."

"You should get back to work, now."

"I am not going anywhere."

"I'll be ok."

"You don't have to be strong, or fearless. You don't have to be so tough. That is my job. Protecting you, is my job. I guess, that in trying to protect you from the world, I may have done more harm, than good. Only, time will tell."

"You could have walked away, and never come back. Why didn't you?"

"My whole life, I dreamed of having a daughter. A sweet, innocent little girl, with bright eyes, and a big smile. I got two sons, and a lot of heartache. I had given up hope, on ever seeing that dream."

"So why did you leave me?"

"It isn't as simple as it seems. I didn't think that I would ever see the day, that I would have a daughter. We tried, to have another baby, but even when it seemed like it was going to work out, it didn't. When I found out that I was having you, I prepared myself for another heartbreak, and I left town. I got a miracle, instead."

"So why did you leave me?"

"I have told you that."

"Tell me, again."

Gemma chokes back tears, "I love you so much. I couldn't live with myself, if anything ever happened to you. I didn't want this life for you. A life, where you have to be tough, and unfeeling, just to survive. I just wanted you to be a normal child. I wanted you to be, a sweet, innocent, little girl, with bright eyes, and a big smile."

"You got a little more than you bargained for, huh?"

"I got a perfect little girl, with my attitude, and your father's eyes."

"You don't have to lie about me, anymore. I don't have to be another secret, that you keep in a box, in the back of the closet. A box that you shove into the recesses of your mind."

"Come with me," Gemma tells her.

"Where are we going."

"Come on," Gemma takes her hand.

Zahra follows her into her bedroom. Gemma scoots the bed aside, and shoves aside a few floor boards. She types numbers into a keypad, on a safe, in the floor. She opens the door, and pulls out a box. She places it on the bed.

"What's this?" Zahra questions.

"They're picture of you."

"Why are they in a safe?"

"To keep you safe."

"Why are you showing me these?"


	13. Let It Slip

"I wake up, every morning, and I feel like something, someone is missing from my life. I keep these close, because I want you close to me."

"You could have had me, right here, all along."

"If you're here, I don't know that I can keep you safe."

"I'll be fine."

"I wake up, and I wish, that I could just crawl in your bed, and hold you, and never let you go. But, life is never that simple. Maybe one day, you will be able to understand, when you have a daughter of your own."

"Maybe."

"I have never claimed to be perfect, because I am not. I am flawed. I make mistakes, on a daily basis. I only want to give you my best, and here, in Charming, I can't always do that."

"I never asked you for your best. I just asked for you. I just want you, good or, bad. It doesn't matter to me."

"Zahra," she pushes stray hairs out of her face. She kisses the top of her head, "I have done a lot of things in my life, that I'm not proud of..."

Zahra cuts her off, "You're only human."

"I know."

"And, if I ever catch you on the back of a bike..." she begins.

"I know that you think I am going to be like you, that I am going to fall for the first tough guy that rolls up, and ride off, on the back of his bike, but I'm not."

"I hope that is true."

"It is," she promises.

"I am going to go make a phone call, ok?"

Zahra nods. Gemma leaves the room. She steps into the living room, and dials her phone. She pulls it to her ear.

* * *

"Hey, babe," the voice on the other end greets her.

"Hey."

"How is she?"

"She's cooled off."

"You're worried about her?"

"Of course."

"What do you need from me?"

"I need you home..."

He cuts her off, "Now?"

"More. I need you home more."

"You're asking me to choose?"

"I am not asking you to choose. I am choosing, for you. My priorities, have been wrong, and..."

"I'll do whatever I need to."

"I'll see you for dinner."

"You're not coming back to the shop?"

"No, she needs me."

"I'll see you later. Give her a kiss for me."

"Ok."

"Bye."

"Bye," she hangs up.

* * *

Zahra returns the pictures to their box. She slips the box back into it's hiding place, and rearranges the room. She leaves the room, and stands in the hallway, until Gemma finishes on the phone.

"I'm hungry," she announces, after Gemma hangs up.

* * *

Clay makes his way up the stairs. He opens the door, to Gemma's office. He takes a seat, at her desk, hoping for just a moment of peace and quiet, behind closed doors. He breathes deeply, trying not to be overcome by anger. He opens her desk drawer, looking for an ink pen. He grabs a scrap of paper, and begins to scribble. As he's finishing his doodle, the fax machine begins printing.

He gets up, once the machine stops. He glances at the papers, and then takes them off the printer. He grabs an envelope, and stuffs them inside. He scrawls his wife's name across the front. He stuffs his scrap of paper in his jacket pocket. He leaves the office. He finds Jax, on his way out. He hands Jax the manila envelope.

"Where did mom go?" Jax questions.

"She had to run home."

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Ask your mother."

"I don't want to go over there, and confront her."

Clay hands him the envelope, "Take these to her, then you'll have a reason to go over there."

"Where are you going?"

"I have some business to attend to," he answers.

"What kind of business?"

"I'll let you know," he answers, making a beeline for his bike.

* * *

Jax hops on his bike, and heads out, behind Clay. He heads to the right, and Clay heads right. A few minutes later, he's pulling into Gemma's driveway. He climbs off his bike, and tosses his helmet on the handle bars. He makes his way up the walkway. He heads into the house, without knocking.

Gemma looks at him, and shakes her head, "I thought that I taught you how to knock."

"We need to talk."

"Not now."

"I have questions, that I want answers to."

"What's that?" Gemma points to the envelope, tucked under his arm.

"Clay wanted me to bring it over."

"What is it?"

"Read it, yourself."

"Jax, now is not the time."

"Because the kid is sitting at the kitchen table, and you don't want her to hear?"

"Not now," Gemma begs.

Zahra looks at him, in silence, as she eats her sandwich. She grabs her plate, and vacates her seat, at the table. She tiptoes out of the kitchen.

"I'll just eat this, in there," she tells Gemma.

"Ok, sweetie," she nods.

Jax waits until she's out of the room, before he continues their conversation. Gemma holds the envelope, in silence.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Jax answers.

"I will let you know."

"What's with the kid?"

"She's staying here for a while," is all Gemma will reveal.


	14. The Worst Kind Of Betrayal

"Cut the bullshit. I just want the truth."

"Jax, you should go."

"Why?"

"Please."

"How long is she staying here?"

"A while."

"Where has she been, for the last eleven years?"

"Somewhere else."

"You asked what was in the envelope, but you don't want me to tell you, because it's better if I don't know."

"What are you talking about?"

"Birth certificate, a copy of her social security card, medical records, dental records, school records, custody papers. It's all in there. Her whole life story, is right there."

"You read it?"

"Not all of it, mostly just the birth certificate. I stopped there."

"Oh," is all she can say.

"The one, with your name on it."

"What do you want me to say?" she raises her voice.

"This is where you disappear to, one weekend a month?"

"Yes."

"And a few weeks during the summer?"

"Yes."

"And, you never told anyone?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Does Clay know?"

"He does live here."

"Did you tell him everything?"

"Like what?"

"About the affair?"

"Jackson, there was no affair."

"There is no father listed on the birth certificate."

"There is a reason for that, but not the one that you think."

"What reason do you have, other than, you didn't want Clay to find out, you screwed someone else, and had their kid?"

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I didn't have a kid, with someone else. Clay is her father."

"Because it's convenient."

"Because it's true. She is his daughter."

"Because it fits your plan, this week?"

"Clay is her biological father. Would you like for me to get a DNA test to prove it to you?"

"I would."

"Why?"

"Of all the people you've screwed over, I never thought that you would betray Clay."

"I didn't. She is his daughter."

"Then why isn't there a father listed on her birth certificate?"

"To protect her. I didn't want anyone to know who her father is. I didn't want them trying to use her, to retaliate against the sons."

"Until a few days ago, no one had any clue that she existed. You know, he thought that you were cheating on him. I almost wish that you had been."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because, it would have been better. You have an eleven year old kid, that you didn't tell anyone about, including her own father. That is a far worse betrayal than cheating."

"I am sorry that you feel that way."

"Were you ever going to tell anyone?"

"I..."

"Why were you hiding her?"

"I was trying to protect her."

"From who? From you?"

"We have a lot of enemies. She's a kid."

"Didn't you once say that you would rather die, than have someone else raise your flesh, and blood?"

"Maybe."

"It was something like that, so I am having a really hard time, understanding all of this. Why did you run away? Why did you keep it a secret?"

"When I found out that I was pregnant, I left."

"Why? What were you hiding?"

"I didn't want to put this family through more heartache, when it didn't work out."

"And when it did, it never crossed your mind, to just come home, and come clean?"

"It did."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because there was a innocent little girl, who didn't deserve all of the baggage that comes along with this life."

"So you left her?"

"You make it sound as if I abandoned her, at some fire station, and just walked away."

"She wasn't here, and you weren't there."

"I made a mistake. Ok? I am allowed to make mistakes."

"Not like this."

"Jax, please, just let this go. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I am sorry that I made a mistake. Every single day, of my damn life, since she's been born, I have been sorry. I have been sorry, because I am her mother. I have been sorry, because she got screwed, because this is her family. I have been sorry, that I left her. I have been sorry, that I couldn't be with her. I am sorry that she couldn't be a normal little girl. I don't need you hating me for this. I already have enough people doing that. I hate me for this, and so does she."

"She should."

"I know that. Don't you think that I know how badly I fucked up? I tried to do what I thought was best, and in the process I ruined her childhood, and maybe her life."

"So why didn't you just come clean, and bring her home?"

"There was always someone, who wanted revenge. There was always someone who would have loved to use her, as leverage. There was never a good time."

"So why is she here now?"

"Because she is stubborn, and willful, and I couldn't stop her. She wants to be here."

"Sounds like someone else I know."

"Jax, I don't want to talk about this, anymore. I am so sick of talking about this, and explaining myself to everyone."

"That's fine. The only person you owe any explanation to is Zahra."

"None of my explanations, are ever enough."

"Let me talk to her."

"No," Gemma shakes her head.


	15. Hearts

"You want her to be a normal kid, then let her be a normal kid. You can't lock her up, here. You can't put her in a bubble, and expect her to be normal. Go take care of whatever you need to take care of. Get her enrolled in school, and I'll stay here, and keep an eye on her."

"I don't want her to go to school. I don't..."

"I am not going to let anything happen to her. Clay, is not going to let anything happen to her. You have my word. She is safe, just let her be a kid. Ok?"

"Like you kept Abel safe?"

"I'll hire a body guard, if have to? Ok? No one is going to lay a hand on her, ever."

"Jax..."

"Go, take care of what you need to. We'll be fine, I promise."

"I..."

"I'm her brother. No one is going to watch over her, like me. Go."

"Ok," Gemma agrees.

* * *

After Gemma is gone, he makes his way down the hallway, to Zahra's room. He knocks on the door, of Thomas's old room.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

"I don't bite," she answers.

He opens the door, and steps in. He finds her sitting on the floor, with a book in one hand, and an empty plate sitting next to her.

"I want to apologize for her. She's a piece of work."

"I know."

Jax takes a seat on the floor, across from her.

"Zahra, there is something you have to understand about her. She's fierce, when it comes to her family, especially her children."

"I know."

"She doesn't always do the right thing. She was trying to protect you."

"I know that."

"But you're still angry with her?"

"Wouldn't you be?"

"I guess," he nods.

"She never talks about him, to me."

"Who?" Jax answers.

She points to the closet, "Thomas."

"What's in there?" he questions.

"Look for yourself," she responds.

He stands up, and makes his way to the closet. He peeks inside, and finds marks on the wall, with Thomas' name underneath. He steps out, and returns to his spot on the floor.

"This was his room, wasn't it?" she asks, innocently.

"Yeah."

"She never talks about it, to me."

"She doesn't really talk about it, to anyone."

"Why not?"

"She feels responsible."

"Why?"

"Because he had the same heart condition that she does, only it was way worse. That's what he died from."

"She doesn't talk about that, either."

"About, what?"

"The scar on her chest. I've asked, but she won't tell me."

"You don't have one?" he questions.

"Of my own? No," she shakes her head, "My heart is fine."

"You just had a birthday, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"We should celebrate."

"I am not allowed to ride on the back of a bike," she tells him.

"What she doesn't know won't kill her. Why don't we go get some ice cream?"

"I'm not really hungry."

* * *

Clay gets home close to seven. Gemma is setting the table, when he walks in the door.

"Where is our girl?"

"She's in the bathroom."

"Oh."

"Jax dropped off papers, today."

"Yeah, I sent him over with them."

"He read them."

"Oh," Clay takes a seat, "That's not good."

"He wasn't happy."

"So now he knows?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"He was mad, that I didn't tell him. He was angry that I kept it a secret."

"He'll get over it."

"Get over what?" Zahra questions.

"Nothing," Gemma answers, "sweetie."

Clay's face lights up when he sees her. She runs over to him, and gives him a big hug. He winces. She steps back.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, princess, I'm fine."

"Take your jacket off, let me see," Gemma insists.

"I'm fine," he tells her.

"It wasn't a request," she tells him.

He takes off his jacket, and then slips off his shirt. She stares at a piece of 4x4 gauze, taped to his chest.

"What did you do?" Gemma asks.

"Nothing."

"Then why is there a bandage? Did Tara bandage you up?" Gemma raises an eyebrow.

Zahra studies it closely. He smiles at her, "Go ahead, take it off." He ignores Gemma.

She carefully peels the tape off. Gemma stares at it, in silence. Zahra's face lights up.

"Did it hurt?" she questions, as her eyes light up.

"No, it's just a little tender."

"I like it."

"I thought that you would," he smiles.

Gemma studies the name, tattooed over his heart. She shakes her head.

"I am trying to discourage her from getting tattoos, not encourage her."

"You're mad, because I got her name tattooed on me?"

"Not for the reasons you think," Gemma responds.

"If you tattoo someone's name on your heart, and someone sees it, they know that is somewhere you're vulnerable," Zahra tells him.

"Exactly," Gemma agrees.


	16. Runaway

It's funny, how fairy tales only last for so long. There rarely seems to be a happily after. The perfect family bliss is short lived, when a turf war deepens. Gemma remains stoic, as ever, as she watches her daughter, ride off, out of town. The next days, and weeks are chaos. her husband completes his metamorphosis as a monster. She loses control, and goes off the deep end.

She runs, from the town, and the gang that turned her into the stone cold bitch that she has become. She tries to pretend as if nothing has happened, that nothing has changed. She keeps her secret buried deep within her. Jax says nothing, letting her deal with it, on her own.

It's late, and she stands in front of a window. Her palms are pressed, flat against the sill, as she looks out into the night sky. The moon shines on her. Her eyes fall, from the sky, to the ink on her forearm. She feels her heart skip a beat. She looks down at the window sill. She reaches for the bottle, sitting between her hands. She takes a sip, and then she finishes a drag, on the cigarette that she's been smoking. She extinguishes it, in an ashtray, to her right. She reaches for the bottle of whiskey, once again.

She presses it against her lips. She looks old, and tired, as if she's aged ten years in as many weeks. She looks thinner than usual, as if she hasn't eaten in days. She swallows the liquor, and tries her best not to think about her mistakes. The moonlight finds her, and she can't run from the tears. The tears trail down her cheeks, along with the mascara. She reaches for the window, to pull it closed. She leaves it open, a crack.

She crawls into an unfamiliar bed, alone. She flips off the lamp, on the bedside table, and climbs under the covers, still in her clothes from the previous day. She closes her eyes, and tries to will away the tears.

* * *

_She sits in a window seat, in a suburban neighborhood, with a little girl, in her lap. The little girl is warm, and sleepy. She leans against Gemma's chest, as she reads a story. Her eyes flutter, fighting sleep. _

* * *

Gemma opens her eyes, staring at the ceiling, trying to will the memory away. She feels her heart breaking, as everything she's ever cared about falls apart, right in front of her. She rolls onto her eyes, and the emotions overwhelm her. She begins to sob, uncontrollably. Her drunken state, prevents her from suppressing the memories, as she tries to go to sleep.

* * *

_She says nothing, as she watches Zahra climb into the car. She doesn't reach for her, or assure her. Zahra turns, and looks at her, with big, sad eyes._

_"Don't do this," the little girl begs._

_Gemma turns from her, and walks away. _

* * *

She begins to hyperventilate, thinking of the truth. Before she can stop it, she's moved on to the next memory.

* * *

_Clay sits on the couch, silently, staring at his rings, avoiding Gemma's gaze. _

_"You should go," she informs him._

_"Gemma how could you send her away? That is our daughter," he begins, not making eye contact._

_"Me? This is not my fault. You did this. You started all of this bullshit. I didn't put a price on our heads. I didn't go around stirring shit, between clubs. I didn't do any of that. It's all on you."_

_"Gemma..."_

_"If you had wanted this, if you were capable of change, you would have made different choices. I am only trying to protect her."_

_"From you?" his eyes meet hers. _

_She locks on to his eyes, she doesn't blink. "You," she answers coldly._

_He flies at her._

* * *

She shudders at the thought. The truth she didn't tell anyone. The truth she could barely admit to herself. She had prided herself on being a good mother, but... she was lying to herself about that, too. She closes her eyes. Eventually the booze, and weed, and sleeping pill kick in, and she falls to sleep.

* * *

_She finds herself, in a large church. She pushes through the doors, and finds the pews mostly empty. She slowly walks down the aisle, in her jeans, and black t-shirt. She stares at the ground, unwilling to make eye contact, with anyone around her. She stops, at the end of the aisle, and approaches the pulpit. But, there is no pulpit. Instead she finds a hand crafted, deep cherry wood box, with the lid closed. The minister stands next to the box, with his hands crossed in front of him. She nods._

_"Open it."_

_"Are you sure?" he questions._

_"Yes," she says quietly._

_He lifts the lid, and she peers inside. She stares at the face of an angel. Her hand flies to her mouth, to stifle the gasp. She stares at the little girl, inside. She hears footsteps, and turns. She finds Clay standing behind her. _

_"Are you happy now? You did that to her," he informs her._

* * *

She rockets back into reality. She opens her eyes, and looks around the room, realizing, it's all been a dream. She climbs out of the bed, and stumbles into the bathroom. She crawls into a cold shower, to wake herself up. She showers, and dries her hair. She puts on a clean pair of clothes, and leaves the room. She walks down the hallway, towards the stairs. She stops at the room, on the right. She opens the door, without knocking.

The room is dark, save for the light coming in through the window, from the moon. She stops at the bedside. She places the note on the bedside stand, and turns to leave. She leaves the room, returning to the hallway. She descends the stairs, and leaves the building. She hops into a car, and speeds away. As she drives she reaches into her purse, and pulls out the bag of pills. She tosses them out the window. She digs around, until she finds the pack of cigarettes, only one left, she tosses it too.

The a/c blasts, keeping her awake, as she drives. The light begins to appear, as she gets closer to sunrise. She drives in silence, down a quiet desert highway. She puts miles between her, and the club, knowing that she can never go back. It's early, when she pulls into the driveway, of her destination. She puts the car in park, as the sun begins to rise.

She stares at the house, afraid to go in. She's just about to turn, and leave, fearing she's made a mistake, when someone knocks on her window. She looks up, and finds a familiar face. She unlocks the door, and he gets inside. He slides into the passenger's seat, and closes the door.

"Gemma what are you doing here? You look like hell."

"I can't do this, anymore."

"Keep messing with her head? No, I agree. You're in, or your out. You can't keep doing this to her."

"I can't live this life anymore. Do you remember when I came here, and I..."

He cuts her off, "Like it was yesterday. You wanted out then, too, but you went back."

"So you don't believe me?"

"I can't."

"I am done with all of the bullshit. I'm done with the drugs, and the guns, and the club. I am done with Clay."

"You say that every time, but then something pulls you back in."

"No," she shakes her head, "Not this time."

"What's different about this time? Why should I believe you?"

"I have made every mistake that I could possibly make, and I don't want to do that, anymore."

"Gemma, I don't buy it."

"I had a dream she died, and it was my fault."

"You don't have feelings, do you?"

"I couldn't live with that. I am her mother. She is my only daughter, and I'm going to be damned, if I am the one who ruins her life."

"What about Clay?"

"He's dead to me."

"He's her father."

"He doesn't matter, you're her father."


End file.
